ONLY this morning I got a call from a guy who sent me a text the day before. He wanted me to help him find a lady to make him happy, one he could marry. This guy is only one of the many who keep asking me to ‘hook them up’, when I ask the men why they can’t marry the ladies they see around them, the response is the same ‘there are no marriageable ladies out there.’ To all the ladies out there who are actually looking for men to call their own, I ask what can the problem be.
My research for my final year project opened my eyes to so many things about relations between men and women, and the effect of society’s marital institutions on the sexual lives of individuals in the society. For instance, in my grandmother’s day, single girls did not have sexual relationships; promiscuous women in town were usually divorcees or widows. When a man approached a young girl for a relationship, she would say “In my family we don’t have sex outside marriage, if you want me, you have to marry me”. If the man wanted her badly enough he would do so. This could be the reason many men of that generation had as many as five, six, seven or more wives. Wind back to the present day, men don’t have to get married to have sex, as long as he is able to give the lady something in return.
The sexual revolution has not helped matters at all, I am sorry to sound like a broken record but what it has done has been to make an intrinsic part of marriage common-place. And given the impression that love is an emotion, when in actual fact it is a lifelong commitment, it goes beyond what you feel to how you live; rather than just paying lip service to the institution.
The high divorce rate is another thing that has put so many singles off the institution, you can say that marriage is meant to last forever but when the reality is contrary to that, there isn’t much to encourage people to want to get or stay married. Many young people grew up in broken homes, or had friends, or relatives who did so they know that marriages don’t always last forever.
Also, many ladies do not know how to choose right. I am often amazed to find a lady of marriageable age dating a man who is not physically, emotionally and financially ready to settle down, he might not have a job or is still living in his father’s house, or still a man about town; totally unprepared to take the plunge.
Some ladies even feel that they can convince the man to want to settle down. It doesn’t happen that way, marriage will happen only when the man is truly ready and able to take up the responsibility. A man has to have a means of livelihood, be emotionally prepared for the responsibility, and also be ready to commit to the relationship. Until all three are in place, a man won’t commit, begging and manipulating him won’t work, and when it does it is never a pleasant story.
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