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’Tis Every Bit Like Murder (3)

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‘First, a dead woman has me running around the city in the night like a common thief. Another living one is scaring the living daylights out of me without drawing a gun. I tell you, I am going to bring out all my values for a thorough examination from today.’

Finally, we pulled up on a dark, silent street. The entire area we had been driving on smelled of silence. It also smelled of wealth as the houses were not only mammoth, they seemed to have been of all kinds of architectural designs and shapes with many contours and wings, some appearing like planes ready to take off into the air. All of them were gated.

We stopped at one huge house with a black painted gate at which a policeman was seated on a bench that had been leaned against the front fence.

The policeman stood up and approached our car. The inspector was irate.

‘How many times will you people be told to behave professionally?’ he grated out. ‘How can you bring your face into the car just because we stopped in front of you? What if we had been armed robbers?’

‘Sorry sir,’ said the policeman as he drew back. ‘I bin tink say una lost.’

The inspector only muttered something before commanding him to open the gate. This he did and we filed into the silent house. As we entered through the front door however, a shadowy figure moved silently and swiftly towards the back door. Aunt Deline and the inspector looked at each other. Then the inspector sprang into action with all the agility he was capable of. Before long, he had overpowered the intruder and had wrestled him to the ground. Aunt Deline snatched the lamp from my hand and swung its powerful gaze at the prone man on the floor.

‘AIG Tamire!’, shrieked the inspector.

‘It’s not what you think,’ stammered the AIG.

‘And what is he thinking?’ Aunt Deline asked saucily.

‘Who is this?’ the AIG asked.

“She’s my wife, AIG Tamire. We were on our way to visit some relatives when I decided to stop by to take a look at the scene of the crime. But what are you doing here?’

‘It’s not what you think,’ the AIG said again. The man is obviously fond of repeating himself. ‘But it’s a long story.’

Aunt Deline plopped herself into an armchair. ‘We have all night’, she said.

The AIG sighed before taking another of the chairs, just as did the inspector and I. The AIG removed the native cap he was wearing and slapped it against his thighs before stammering out his words, not looking into anyone’s eyes.

‘It’s like this. The woman lying in that room was a friend of mine. A friend, you understand?’

‘Friend like in you were sleeping with her?’ asked Aunt Deline.

‘Who I sleep with is none of your business,’ The AIG replied heatedly.

‘Forgive me sir, but this woman we are talking about is dead, shot to death I hear by her hand or by someone else’s, and in circumstances we are not very sure of. So, I would say that every of her relationships must now be questioned, including the one you had with her,’ put in Inspector Gogo.

‘Question me all you like, but she cannot. Who is she?’, asked the AIG, pointing at Aunt Deline. Then his eyes narrowed. ‘I hope it’s not that acada woman who pokes her nose into our police affairs? If it is, you had better not let me see her here again by the time I open my eyes.’

No one moved.

The AIG opened his eyes. Inspector Gogo coughed before speaking. ‘AIG Tamire, the matter is not as simple as you’re trying to make it. You see, your relationship with the dead woman makes you a suspect. Then, we caught you this night trying to tamper with the scene of the crime or suicide. That means you are not in a position to dictate anything…’

The AIG said softly, ‘I was not trying to tamper with the evidence. I was only trying to make sure that there was nothing that could incriminate me. You see, I was… I was…’

‘I think you better tell us everything we need to know about this case.’

‘What do you mean ‘us’?, replied the AIG. ‘This woman is not in the force…’

‘Well, she is now,’ replied Inspector Gogo, with some spirit. Aunt Deline looked at him with some pride. ‘She has assisted me on many of my cases and I find her opinions very valuable. Sir, I suggest that from today, the force should find an official way of incorporating her services into many of our cases. I assure you she is up to the task.’

‘Are you threatening me, Inspector Gogo?’

‘Far be it from me, sir, I am only your junior officer. I am only trying to tell you that the force can benefit greatly from her consultancy services if it is more officially done.’

‘Well, sir, if Inspector Gogo cannot threaten you, I can,’ put in Aunt Deline, adjusting herself to sit more comfortably, even crossing her legs. ‘You see, when a man leaves his exalted position to consort with sin and deprivation, there is so much dignity he can stand on. If you do not want the world to know you were skulking around a crime scene this night, then sir, you had better let me poke my nose into this case. Furthermore, if you do not want the world to know you had anything to do with this woman, then you had better make me a consultant to the police as the inspector suggested. And,’ she put up her hand when she saw that the AIG was about to say something. ‘If you want us to keep your name quiet in this affair altogether, you had better place me on a monthly salary.’

The AIG stared at her. ‘You have put a price on everything,’ he exclaimed.

‘It’s a free market economy we are running in this country, is it not?’ she asked.

‘Is blackmail now listed on the stock exchange?’ he fairly shrieked. ‘No to all your demands. I’m calling your bluff. Where is the evidence you can use against me, eh; where is the evidence?’

Without a word, Aunt Deline pressed a button on her wristwatch and the AIG’s voice started to play back to us, word for word. I was astounded. I had no idea she had acquired such a dangerous weapon.

The AIG was staggered. He rose to his feet, robbed his brow, sat down again, got up and then walked around the room.

‘Ok, you win. But you must keep your word. My name must not be mentioned at all in this affair. You will see to it.’

‘But sir…’ began Inspector Gogo. Aunt Deline cut in.

‘You have my word and my bond. And his too,’ indicating the inspector who by now did not know whether to open or close his mouth at the preposterous promise Aunt Deline was giving. ‘But AIG Tamire, I hope you have learnt now not to underestimate the value of women. I told you before that before long, you would learn to value women, remember?’

‘Ho, Ho! Do I remember and have I learnt?! First, a dead woman has me running around the city in the night like a common thief. Another living one is scaring the living daylights out of me without drawing a gun. I tell you, I am going to bring out all my values for a thorough examination from today.’

The inspector now took charge. He sat forward. ‘AIG Tamire, why don’t you tell us everything we need to know about this case?’

‘Where do I begin?’

‘It helps to start from the beginning.’

The AIG fetched a deep sigh before speaking. ‘I met Madame Doris when I served at the police headquarters office in Dema about five years ago.’

The post ’Tis Every Bit Like Murder (3) appeared first on The Nation Nigeria.


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