DEAR Madam Harriet, I am a 16-year-old student. I have this feeling that I don’t have talents like my mates, and this is affecting me a lot. Please, help me.
Name withheld, Lagos.
I must commend you for sharing your situation with us. Thanks a lot. Most teenagers have similar experiences. Some feel not loved, some don’t see themselves attractive, some regard themselves as not intelligent or rather not good enough, so what you are feeling is highly expected and it is normal.
The way forward is having a clear understanding for the reasons why you are feeling like that and the necessary steps to take so that it doesn’t affect you in future.
Here are a few useful tips that might be of help in dealing with your situation. There are three major issues that teenagers feel that they must have in order to feel good about themselves and for their peers to accept them.
First is physical attractiveness: A large number of teenagers, if sincere, would tell you that their greatest source of dissatisfaction is about their looks. Their major concern is to look in a certain way, so some will try everything just to get that good look, forgetting that what they are experiencing is natural and that it will fade with time.
To some, they feel unattractive with the belief that the opposite sex doesn’t like them. These feelings are made worse when they are being teased by friends and family members.
The second aspect that teenagers don’t like about themselves is the feeling of not being smart or intelligent enough. In a situation where a teenager is facing difficulty in a certain subject in school and all he or she gets from the teachers, parents and classmates are discouraging words , instead of encouragement.
These can cause the teenager to lose interest in school or certain subjects. It might destroy his or her self-esteem. Therefore, most of the blame for these feelings can be put on teachers who are professionals and should know better on how sensitive issues like this can affect a teenager. Parents who lack to give their moral support are equally not left out as well.
Third, teenagers use money and background to measure their worth. Most of them think that a rich family is more important and better, so to be accepted and popular, they have to dress in a certain way with expensive stuff. For example, they feel that they have to wear the right shoes or clothes, have parents who own certain cars and so on.
The pressure in the society today is not even making it any easy. Every youngster wants to make it big, forgetting there is no short cut to success, so the way forward in dealing with your situation is to recognize that a lot of teenagers are going through the same challenge that you are experiencing.
You are really not alone. Observe and you will notice that others are shy, quiet, angry, stuck-up, proud, signs of feeling inferior. In addition, learn to face up to your problems; one major thing you must bear in mind is that none of us is perfect, every one lacks one thing or the other.
Admit your weakness and appreciate your strength. Everyone is created special by God with a precious gift to be successful with the right attitude. As a matter of fact, embrace your look, try to change that behaviour you feel is not good that you are involved in and learn to accept things that you cannot change, for example, the shapes of your nose or ears.
Moreover, pay more attention on the positive qualities you pose, engage in developing yourself. Self-improvement is very important for the growth of an individual, so instead of feeling bad or pity about yourself, read motivational books, take up sports , offer volunteering service in an establishment that interests you at your spare time. Not only will you be occupied, but also gain experience.
Next, be mindful of the people you call your friends, keep good friends who like you for who you are and not what they want you to be. The best way to have a friend is to be a good friend to others. Remember you are unique in this world. God loves you as the unique person that you are. In all the earth, there is nobody like you, so you are special. Nobody has your smile, your voice, your character. Beside money is not all.
Self-appreciation, contentment and the zeal to strive for great height bearing in mind that there is time for everything on earth is a better approach to dealing with life issues.
Parents or guardians with teenagers on the other hand should learn to be close to their teens, be their best friends no matter what. Let them be free to approach you with their problems and guide them, so that they will go the right path because teenagers are faced with a lot of peer pressure.
Encourage your teenagers when they are faced with any form of setback, avoid talking down on them. Reward them when they do something good. That way, you are helping them see that they have potential. It builds their self-esteem. Show them love, so that they don’t go seeking it elsewhere and listen to them because most times, parents or guardians talk without actually listening to their teenagers.
Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or txt message only 08054682598. You can also follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj.
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