DEAR Harriet, I am a mother of three great children, but my worry is the academic performance of my second child. His poor performance in school is really affecting me. I have tried all that I could, but all were to no avail.
Our relationship is not what it used to be because of this. Please, I need your counsel on what to do. Help me!
Mrs. E. U.,
Port Harcourt.
Your state of mind about the happening is expected. Most parents will be worried in such a situation, and if not handled properly, it might affect other aspects of the family.
We must commend you for sharing your situation because in some cases, parents find it hard to open up for help in matters like yours. Your situation deserves a lot of real steps to be taken both from you as a parent in collaboration with the school in order to help your child.
Note this, every child is intelligent, if given the right method of teaching, depending on their levels of understanding, so teach your child first to view failure as success delayed.
Failing an examination or repeating a class can be traumatic. No doubt about that, but you play a pivotal role in helping your child through this crisis. At this point, it will be necessary for us to look at some of the possible reasons why your child may have failed.
Insufficient written practice: This could be a situation where he or she answers everything the night before the test or examination, but on the day can’t really explain what happened at the examination hall. A child might do well in oral test, but might need a lot of practice in written ones.
Next might be faulty teaching methods: Children are different and unique in every aspect, so when it comes to academics, their levels of assimilation and understanding are totally different. On the other hand, many children fail to develop in over populated classrooms where there is less active involvement of teachers.
Then, it might be learning disabilities or challenges: Some children have problems focusing, grasping, memorizing and writing because their minds are wired in a different way. Get a psycho-educational analysis done by a trained specialist to find out the problem and identify weaknesses and strengths.
Expectations: Many children bear the burden of mounting parental expectations and just crumble during testing times.
Distraction is another reason. Studying is harder when there are many distractions around. Television, computer, games and the internet can also be addictive.
In addition, psychological problems are not left out in mentioning some of the likely reasons for a child’s academic performance. Traumatic events like divorce or domestic violence at home can hamper a child’s studies. Perhaps, he is being bullied. Try to find out.
The final possible reason can be health problem. A child needs to be completely fit to use his mental faculties in the best possible way. Migraines, anaemia, vision problems can prevent him or her from doing well in class.
Bearing all these in mind as some of the reasons why the child might be failing his or her exams, then here are some helpful steps that might be of great benefit to assist the child.
The major step involves a parent paying full attention to the child by getting really involved. If possible, be your child’s teacher at home. Create time to study with the child after school in a relaxed atmosphere. Make study interesting and guide your child. Take your findings to his/ her teacher and discuss how both parties can work together for the interest of the child.
Learn to control your temper while teaching such a child. Yelling at the child might plunge him/her in depression and you don’t want that. A reprimand might bring back focus in a negligent child, but will harm a child with learning challenges.
Get a psycho-educational analysis done by a trained specialist to find out the problem and identify weaknesses and strengths. Remember that your relationship with your child at this time will either make or break the child, so it will be a good idea if you stay closer to your child.
Cheer up your child on any little progress or attempt made. Make the child feel that his or her situation does not make him or her less lovable to you. Moreover, make him talk. Ask him if anything is troubling him. Don’t forget as young as they are, children have problems of their own. Discuss with your child and listen to him while he talks.
However, view your child’s failure as a realization that your child needs you. It can help you find something you had overlooked and correct it before it grows worse. Give a pep talk in the process. Encourage him/her to view this as a wake-up call.
Work closely with school, meet his/her teachers to discuss the way forward for your child and become actively involved in your child’s schooling. It might be very challenging, if you have not been doing it, but the final result is worth it.
Also help to control the distractions. For example, you can reduce the time for television to weekends only. Games can be kept to be given when you feel your child deserves it. Try and find out what works for you.
Encourage extra- curricular activities. A new successful activity can actually bring back motivation and focus in your child’s life. If your child decides to participate in school play, it will mean more than just your signed approval slip. You might have to hop out from your car to pick him up after rehearsals.
Your effort will pay dividend because if you support him and he does well, the “can do” attitude is likely going to spill off into his academics. Make your home a happy and supportive one because it helps children a lot.
Finally, acknowledge your child’s progress as you go along. Congratulating the child will help your child develop positive attitude. Failure can be a learning opportunity for both parent and child. Reinforce this idea and help your child overcome obstacles.
Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her blog; www.liwh.com.ng, text messages only 08054682598 or bineharriet@gmail.com. You can follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj and instagram: harrietogbobine.
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