DEAR Harriet, I am a great fan of yours. I thank you for your counsel on life issues which I find very educative.
I am in a relationship with a lady I love dearly who feels the same as well. She is humble and nice. I intend proposing to her soon because I see her as somebody I will like to spend the rest of my life with.
My challenge is that I recently discovered that she is from a wealthy family, while I am a hard-working young man with great potential because I know where I am striving to be in future.
My fear is that this might be an obstacle. I am confused. Please, I need your advice.
Name withheld, Lagos.
The early stage of a new relationship can be mind-blowing with all the excitement that might seem forever, but as the relationship progresses, the reality of life then comes to play, which is the explanation of what you are experiencing at this stage based on the fact that you are starting to have more affection for the lady as a result you are expecting more from dating.
Your feeling is what most people in your situation experience and there is always the fear of acceptance, especially from your partner’s family. Every family as we know has its expectations when it comes to the issue of marriage.
Where some see certain aspects as must have or belong, others might not use such as criteria. The bottom line is that there are no same family approaches in such matters, different strokes for different folks, so what one family might regard as a hindrance can be less important to another family.
We must commend you for sharing and seeking counsel on how to approach the situation. Moving on, nursing the feelings without speaking out can be devastating. Suppose her family is different from all what you think, keeping silence or getting yourself work up can only aggravate your fears and worries.
Such thoughts running through your mind constantly, if not tackled, will start affecting other aspects of your relationship. Create room for an open conversation. In order to have a clear picture of what you want to go into, it will be a good step to have an open discussion with your partner.
Bring to table everything about you and what you do currently and what you intend achieving in time to come. You might not be where you want to be at the moment, but this is where you are working hard to be by the special grace of God.
You must be sincere with her. Once you are able to establish this fact, who knows it might just be the right information she needs to confront her family in case your status becomes an issue in time to come.
On your part, it will make you feel better because you have actually made your identity cleared. Starting with yourself in all honesty will now give room for her to be open with you in order to put your fears to rest.
Next is to ask her about her family background and how they will feel about their daughter in a relationship with a hard-working young man of a different social status.
Tell her your fears, worries and how they are affecting you. Express your feelings to her. Don’t hold back anything. Most times, people see this aspect of expression of feelings during conversation as a form of weakness, forgetting that effective communication in a relationship is the key for a successful one, and once it is established properly from the onset, half of the problems that might crop up are solved.
Speaking out freely with your partner about everything takes away assumptions, hurts, fears and worries. It helps them to understand each other’s likes and dislikes. It is observed that effective communication in a relationship promotes closeness.
Allow her to respond to all your questions. While that is going on, listen attentively and watch her body language as well because some answers can be traced by attitude.
On the other hand, to save yourself from the unexpected, learn to keep an open mind in case the situation does not go your way. One thing for sure is this: what is yours can never be taken away from you, no matter the circumstances.
It might be difficult at the beginning no doubt, but if it is truly yours, all things will work for good. If the reverse is the case, well take heart and see it as life lesson to make you a better person. Never give up on yourself, but learn and improve yourself by making sure that you work harder to be who you want to be.
Note that the blessings of God rest on those who have faith and action. That it did not work out with her does not mean that you will not find your dream wife when the time comes.
Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her blog; www.liwh.com.ng, text messages only 08054682598 or bineharriet@gmail.com. You can follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj and instagram: harrietogbobine.
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