Single parenthood may happen because of death, divorce, separation, abandonment, among others. In spite of the circumstances surrounding the family situation, being a single dad can be very stressful and challenging. By nature, men are different from women in dealing with the issue of raising children. Therefore, some men find it very difficult to take up the full responsibility of raising their children alone.
Single dads face a lot of challenges, and their children also encounter problems. Bringing up children can be difficult under any situation and without a partner, the stakes are even higher. Now, the issue is how should single dads deal with the challenges of single parenting?
Have a good structure in place: Create a daily routine for every member of your family to follow, such as regular time for food, study time, play time and bed time.
Religion: Get them involved in your religion. Pray with them and make them participate fully in all religious activities. When they grow up, they will not depart from the values you have imparted to them. This will help your children and other members of the family to know what to expect. It will also give you room to have time for other things. In a situation where you have domestic workers or family members assisting you, assign duties and supervise them properly.
Communication: Maintain a good relationship with your children. Talk with them, not at them, and listen to them when they are talking to you. Interact with them. Be their best friend; let them see you as a dad that they can tell everything, and the only way you can achieve this is by being free with them. In the case of divorce or separation, always let them understand that it has nothing to do with them because children in dealing with divorce cases always feel that the separation or divorce is as a result of their faults.
Create family time: Set time aside everyday to have quality dealing with your children. Bonding with your children as a single dad is very important and the only way you can achieve it is by spending time doing things together as family. This will give you the opportunity to know your children’s individual personalities, their strengths and weaknesses in other areas like academics and so on. Remember to set boundaries as well as consequences involved, if not obeyed. Ensure you follow up, otherwise they will not take you or the boundaries seriously. A law-abiding adult is one who has been taught to have boundaries as a child. Word of caution: set realistic boundaries.
Role model: Being the only parent makes you their number one role model. Be a good example to your children in every way. Don’t do anything you don’t want them to do in their presence. Practise what you preach. Children copy their parents because they see them as their role models. If you find yourself, exhibiting behaviour that you don’t want your children to copy , it’s a sign that you should change how you react in certain situations.
Show affection: Some know how to express love, while some don’t. Don’t let a day go by without you saying “I love you” to your children. Hug and kiss them to show emotion. A hug for a child often makes him feel loved, safe and able to count on you.
Make birthdays special: Children are God’s greatest gift to us. Each child is different in how they see themselves and the world around them. All children are gifted- each in his special way. Celebrate their uniqueness and make their birthdays special with affordable resource.
Praise and reward: Don’t forget to praise good behaviour because it is as important as discipline. Don’t underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have on your children. Again, be specific when doing your praise. Let them know why you are praising them. Appreciate their efforts and successes, especially in areas where they have struggled.
Keep yourself healthy: For some dads, separation or divorce, for example, is one of the most stressful life events they ever go through. That pressure may be amplified by custody and financial issues which can bring out the worst in people. So discovering ways to manage your own stress is very essential. Keeping yourself physically and emotionally healthy can help combat the effects of stress. You will then be in the best shape to take care of your family.
Create time for yourself: Have moments of relaxation, meaning time to do what you enjoy doing. Make out time to kick back and relax. Rest is very important, especially as a single dad. A good rest will make you feel refreshed.
Help: Learn to interact with other single dads who have gone through the same situation. Learn from their experiences. You can also seek the help of a counsellor, therapist, or friend, if need be.
Financial struggle and well-being of the children: Because most dads are the breadwinners of their families, the financial responsibility falls mainly on them with little or no assistance from anybody. A single dad must learn to be able to balance his career or job and the affairs of the children in order to maintain a healthy home.
Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and motivational speaker. Send in your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com. You can also follow her on twitter@bineharrietj or txt messages only to 08023058805.
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